trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
