Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
