did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
