you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Alive.
So much puke
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
