so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
