Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
