I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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