2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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