puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
