and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
