I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
