It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
BRING THE BAGELS
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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