ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
