Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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