Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
