he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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