We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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