I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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