it was like eating out sand paper
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
