I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
