great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
