fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
