The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
