I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
