the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize