Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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