how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
