i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
