Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
