i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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