Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
