she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
