So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
