did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
