i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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