You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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