Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
this will be a night to untag.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
