we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize