its not stalking. its research.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
