You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
