Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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