Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
