That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
