Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
