In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
