I cannot find my penis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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