I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
