I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
