Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
