I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
