i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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