I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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