I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
