we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
