how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am available for nakedness