She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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