I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.