it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone