Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.