I smell stomach acid.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
