They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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