what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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