What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize