On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
