He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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