I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How naked do you want me to be?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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