It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What drink are we having for lunch?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
