I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize