I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
