why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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