thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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