Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
