you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
