he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
